| | Time: | 08:44 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/tired.gif) tired |
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| i am totally busy with homework and school and wrok that i don't really go out anymore but this friday i am....but i'm not drinking cause i gotta buy cat food and litter with my cash...i'll just have to smoke a whole bunch
i want to see zach | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | joy division | | Subject: | blah blah blah | | Time: | 11:33 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/sad.gif) crappy |
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| so this week has been totally blah....not too great and not the worst ever just shitty...i can't wait to read harry potter at night before i go to bed because it is the only time i don't have to worry about anything and i have a lot of worries right now....most of them probably will turn out to be nothing but i'm still stressing nonetheless...zach is coming to visit this weekend the only thing really that has kept me from just saying fuck it to this week is the happiness i will get when i see him
school is totally lame and totally great at the same time, i love and hate it usually simultaneously....i'm ready to graduate...i'll probably be able to next may...in a year whoohooo....then its off to Europe for as long as possible
i'm doing alot of reflection on my life right now....it is mainly because i have no idea what i want to do with the rest of it....be happy and go to europe that is as far as i have gotten for my life plans....what will happen i don't know i can't find a career i'm interested in....books, art, reading....something along those lines possibly
to class i go...ta ta | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | joy division, the cure, modest mouse | | Subject: | the coldness of life | | Time: | 10:43 am | | Current Mood: | the what if's are killing me |
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| so it is finally cold outside.....and it matches my mood, it helps my escapism.....i have been ignoring politics and everything that is going on with that.....if i think about it, it makes me scared and paranoid and starts to give me what i would imagine is the beginnings of an anxiety attack....i don't want to be in this country with that fuckhead in office and all of his other dicksuckers....i keep having nightmares, last night the ice age was coming and i was trying to get away from it, before that it was mass infectious disease which is like one of my biggest if not the biggest fear of mine, then there were zombies, and probably another of my biggest fears a nightmare about an american police state
so i have been listening to nothing but modest mouse and 80s music and i have been watching 80s movies and sex and the city....i don't want to think about reality(rubs forehead).....i just can't escape the feeling that something terrible is going to happen within or to america because of him....i don't recognize my country, my homeland, the only place i have ever known......i need a new environment....i just have a lot of paranoia and worry....zach will be here soon, i can further escape reality with him | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | trans am: liberation | | Time: | 01:18 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/sick.gif) fearful of brainwashing |
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| jesus i have been busy busy busy....i will soon have hallowweeeeeen pictures up on here for everyone to see...my bride of frankenstein costume was the shit...and i'm for serious
i'm also going to put up some pictures of my kitty kitty alice
school is busy...classes going well
i want to leave the country...i don't feel safe...i'm so bewildered by why the american people re-elected him...i can't even say his name....we're fucked | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| very bored at work.....really big storm yesterday the sky was green and everything i thought there was going to be a tornado...but not in my area at least
my cat is doing wonderful...zach should be here for a visit this weekend...i'm really looking foward to it
that's all folks | | comments: Leave a comment |
| so school has been crazy busy...i feel like i have no time for my art but i am managing to work on it...zach went back to austin...i miss him but it will be good because he won't be such a distraction...i got a kitten last friday she is all black but in bright lights you can see that she has tabby markings, her eyes are amber green and her name is Alice after the tom waits song which was playing and it felt right, plus she is very curious like Alice in Wonderland
i have a shitload of tests coming up in the next two weeks but then things should chill out for a bit
i've been dreaming again, but they don't seem to stick past morning
it was chilly outside this morning, i could feel autumn in the air
money is the root of evil, so i guess i should be glad that i don't have any | | comments: Leave a comment |
| z is back i town with me, he'll probably stay one more week...i love having him around and i'm pretty sure he likes to be around me
classes are going well...i have only been late once and it was not even that late to begin with
i have been sort of antisocial since school started...i just want to spend my evenings relaxing...after class and work i just want to chill...i guess it is bad of me but when i go out it will be because i want to go out and i'll have fun but not right now
money is tight...next months rent will be tough to meet which means that the next months rent will be even harder....it is going to escalate in to this hellacious ball of debt and borrowing from the 'rents that it is gong to bother me....but lately i really have had no care for money whatsoever...i hate it and hate that in order for me to get an education i have to forgo food and fun stuff in order to pay for classes the government should be paying for....i thought this was the "No Child Left Behind" administration.....i guess it applies to only rich people's kids instead of the average person who needs help...THEY are trying to fuck the middle class and right now i feel they are succeeding
damn the man! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 03:11 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/gabby.gif) giddy |
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is that a dog sniffing my butt....i'm a little disturbed by that
today's classes went well....my history of the eng. lang. or HEL is going to be really interesting i think...the prof is kind of cute too...
i'm going to be in austin this weekend....i can barely contain my excitement,i will not be able to sleep at all thursday night....i get to see my family and of course zach...ahhhhh i just want it to be friday i have no patience for this kind of thing...i want to see everyone so bad
i just want friday to come and the following monday to stay away...if only i could stop time...ha! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 08:56 am | | Current Mood: | longing for a feline |
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| well let's see....school starts in 4 days....zach moved to austin, he has been gone four days, i miss him, he called last night....i was so used to seeing him everyday...talking to him...listening to him....just seeing him....he says he misses me....i'll be in austin over labor day weekend so i'll get to see him soon and my family which i've really wanted to see
i really really really want a cat for my apartment, i need something else alive in my apartment...i want a kitty to sleep with me and to pet....i really need to get one... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i'm adrift......
evelyn is in montana....who will i ponder things with
zach is in austin....who will i laugh with and who will make me feel better
why did my life seem to finally be going well...i had so much happiness...so much was happening that i had been waiting for...zach....now it seems that everything is again off kilter...i know austin is not far....long distance is possible, i feel especially with the two of us.....but what if i need him....what if he needs me....thank god for ashley
i'm adrift... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | lonesome crowded west by MM | | Time: | 08:32 am | | Current Mood: | perturbed |
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so zach has been kind of an asshole lately...not unbearable just kind of annoying but he is coping and i'm not really bothered by it...he did apologize last night for the fact that he had been an ass lately
in about a week he is moving to austin and my friend evelyn (one of zach's best friends) is leaving for school in montana...it fuking blows...........but i'll live | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | none | | Subject: | depressing news | | Time: | 09:34 am | | Current Mood: | general feeling of melancholy |
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| so some of you may have been informed some of you may have not but on June 30 i lost a very good friend in a car accident, hence the long gap in posting.
i don't know if any of you listen to electronic music at all but he was well known within that community as Starkid. he was only 18, his birthday would have been yesterday, and he was a brilliant beautiful boy...i am still very sad but am doing much better. he was also best friends with zach and my very good friend evelyn...the three of them all went ot high school together and were very close friends.
that night of the 30th six of us went and got tattos...i got a yellow star because adam liked yellow and zach got a tattoo that says starkid on his arm...i was very worried about him for a while..but he is doing better now...he was going to move to austin fairly soon but now he is going to be in Nac until at least the 20th...evel leaves for school in Montana then so zach is going to be around a little longer than expected...which is very nice...for both him and myself
although adam's death was and still is unbelievable and on so many levels wrong, a lot of good has come out of it...his record label has told the family that they are going to release some of his stuff on a cd and the proceeds will go to a charity of their choosing...they have told me it is going to be a scholarship for sociology here at SFA which is really nice...so many people around the world loved adam as much as we all did but for an entirely different reason his music...evel posted on his label's website the announcement of his death and since then there has been pages and pages of people from singapore to stockholm to london to hong kong, all over saying how sad they are for adam and his family...so even though his life was short he touched many many people near and far...he truly was a star kid
what a beautiful brilliant boy he was...Adam "Starkid" Spears | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | return of the rentals | | Time: | 11:41 am | | Current Mood: | blah |
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| went to austin this weekend...parents met zach...was not too embarassing...dad noticed my tattoo...didn't really say anything...i was worried for a bit there. zach and i went to zilker park saturday night...it was nice we had to cross the water below barton springs to get back to the right side...it was dark but fun...ashley got a new tattoo..it looks really nice she designed it...it is on her belly, it is cool.
i'm back at work now...i have this feeling of boredom...not just cause i'm at work but like i need to do something...i should start doing art again i have not done any in a while. i got some of my clay from the studio so i can work on it at my apartment...i should do that tonight after i clean. i want to do something...i don't know what but i want to do something i haven't done...well, i'll have to come up with something...i hope someone is playing music tonight at rita's...well that is all | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | dave brubeck | | Time: | 09:07 am | | Current Mood: | anxious |
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| so i've been having insomnia a little bit lately...this occurs every once in a while...it's mainly the inability to get my brain to shut up that keeps me awake. so last night i decorated my apartment a bit, filled up some empty spots on the wall.
i got my tattoo for my birthday...it didn't bother me at all, the worst thing was when he would go over a line he had already done, to touch it up or something like that. it itches now so it means that it is healing and i really want to scratch it but i can't.
my birthday was really nice, i got some good presents and i got to see my friends, it was fun, but i still was glad to be in nac...i know, even though i don't want to admit it, but i have noticed that the closer it gets to the 15th the harder it has been for me to sleep...tomorrow night i'm not going to be able to get any sleep...two days and i'm so fucking antsy and anxious...not a nervous anxious but just anxious, like a kid before their birthday or a holiday
pretty much it...two days and then things return to their somewhat normal state of being | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | radiohead (hail to the thief) | | Time: | 12:22 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/pissed.gif) aggravated |
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| so i had a pretty uneventful 4th...i didn't leave my apartment until sunday night and even then i could not party that heavy because i had to get up and come to work today...i would like to know why the library never closes, classes are canceled today yet i have work...shit, we didn't even recognize Reagan's day of mourning and we're a federal institution.
i am going to be in austin the 7-11 which i am very glad for, not only am i turning 20 but i get to see my family and my sister and i are going to do something very special for my 20th that i am very excited about. plus the trip to austin will help me get my mind off zach and him not being here for me to talk and whatnot...the 15th, the 15th...i've turned into such a sappy pathetic girl i can hardly stand it...i just want to shoot myself in the foot because i have become what i have tried to avoid...but...i would rather be like this than not be with zach. i can't call him because he has no cell phone so i hope he is not in a ditch somewhere for the buzzards to eat...no, no thinking like that!!!
before he left he gave me a huge hickie on my neck...i got so much shit for it...but in a way it is really hot...i was, since it has faded, marked as "his" in a way...jesus christ shoot me now...i should go...what a sap i am | | comments: Leave a comment |
| 20 Questions to a Better Personality
http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/default.asp?quiz=Better+Personality&page=1
You are an SEDF--Sober Emotional Destructive Follower. This makes you an evil genius. You are extremely focused and difficult to distract from your tasks. With luck, you have learned to channel your energies into improving your intellect, rather than destroying the weak and unsuspecting.
Your friends may find you remote and a hard nut to crack. Few of your peers know you very well--even those you have known a long time--because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world. You prefer to observe, calculate, discern and decide. Your decisions are final, and your desire to be right is impenetrable.
You are not to be messed with. You may explode.
pretty close to the truth...
| | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | very dirty song from Lost In Translation | | Time: | 12:00 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/elizabethia/gothicsally/sadani.gif) melancholy |
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| so today z leaves to go on tour with his band for two weeks....i'm very excited for him but will miss him terribly nonetheless. he is getting to play at a festival with merle haggard and willie nelson so lots of good opportunities for him.
my birthday is soon and have decided that my present to myself will be a tattoo...i'm going to get the number of days i will have been alive which is 7305 on my ankle and have decided that every decade i will get the number again to mark the decades of my life. i'm taking my sister with me and then we are going to get lunch...unfortunately i have a dentists appointment on my birthday so i get to spend time there...oh thrill oh joy.
not much else.... | | comments: Leave a comment |
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